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Nil by Mouth

During my Bolton days I was scheduled to go into hospital for a double hernia operation. Purely by chance I checked in and Michael Bridges was in the same hospital - he was also having an operation the same day.

As you know, usual operation practice is that you can't eat any food twelve hours before surgery - 'nil by mouth'. We were both in pre-op and chatting to each other, Michael was starving and kept saying how he could murder a Mcdonald's. They then began the anaesthetic, which had the usual effect and we were both like little kids in fits of laughter.

That's all I remember until I stated to come round in the recovery room. I was still feeling the effects of the laughing gas when Michael was wheeled into the room. A few minutes later he suddenly sat up in his bed and shouted…"Where's me F*&%ing McDonald's?". By now I'd been there some time and although I still felt a bit 'drunk', I was aware of what was happening. It was hilarious, but it got better…A nurse was standing behind some curtains and you could see the silhouette of her figure. Again, he sat up and shouted…"I'd like to sh*g that nurse!!".

Obviously the medical staff must regularly hear this sort of thing, but for me, it was hilarious. If I'd had a video it'd be worth millions. If I'd laughed any harder I'd have had to go back into theatre and have the operation for a second time!